Monday, November 06, 2006

Day in the life of David Littlefield

4:30 AM- Wake up call from G. Ogden Nutting.
4:45 AM- Meets Mr. Nutting at the secret breakfast spot- supposedly a Shoney's in West Virginia.
5:00 AM- Mr. Nutting suggests some free agents that Littlefield should sign. List includes Russ Ortiz, Sammy Sosa, Rich Loiselle, Ray King, Sandy Alomar Jr. and Pee Wee Reese.
5:00:21 AM- Littlefield reminds Nutting that Pee Wee Reese has been dead since 1999.
5:00:26 AM- Nutting tells Littlefield "Fuck it, get him anyways."
5:10 AM- Nutting hands Littlefield a copy of one of the finer Nutting newspapers: The Wheeling News-Register.
5:15 AM- After taking five minutes to finish a 150 word brief, Littlefield tells Nutting his excitement that the Berkeley Springs Sheetz is now offering the Shbagel.
5:35 AM- Littlefield leaves Shoney's and heads to the Pirates offices.
6:50 AM- Passes Kevin McClatchy's office. Sees McClatchy and Neil Patrick Harris on top of McClatchy's desk. Littlefield keeps walking.
7:10 AM- Contacts the agent for Alfonso Soriano. Offers Soriano a 2 year $4.5 million dollar conttract.
7:11 AM- Soriano's agent tells Littlefield to fuck off.
7:15 AM- Heads over to Bossa Nova.
7:32 AM- Sees that Bossa Nova is closed. Littlefield is pissed and refuses to give Josias Manzanillo, now living in front of the Clemente Bridge, a quarter. Has time to ask Manzanillo if he's seen Brian Boehringer lately.
8:00 AM- Calls Rusty Kuntz just so he can say Rusty Kuntz.
8:05 AM- Drives Nate McLouth to Boyce Middle School.
8:45 AM- Calls Peter Gammons. Gammons tells him that Billy Beane is offering Marco Scutaro for Jason Bay, Freddy Sanchez and Mike Gonzalez.
9:00 AM- Consults with Jim Tracy about aforementioned trade.
9:01 AM- Tracy punches Littlefield in the balls.
9:30 AM- Has intellectual conversation about Copenhagen smokeless tobacco with John Wehner.
2:45 PM- Comes back from 5 hour lunch break. Shoots some hot dogs with the Bucco Brigade.
3:00 PM- Sees Chris Stynes' agent left a voice mail.
3:02 PM- Calls Stynes' agent, offers a contract.
3:05 PM- Stynes' agent says that Stynes' deserves a 5 year contract. Littlefield says he'll talk about it with McClatchy.
3:15 PM- Goes to McClatchy's office. McClatchy's secretary says that Kevin went for a "walk" in Schenley Park.
3:30 PM- Discusses potential marketing slogans with Pirates marketing team. Says that "We Will" was an awesome campaign, wants to do it again.
4:00 PM- Signs Ricky Ledee to a 2 year 15 million dollar contract to play right field.
4:10 PM- Press Conference. Littlefield states that Ledee is "the left-handed power hitter that we have been looking for."
4:30 PM- On fire, Littlefield then calls Scott Boras about Chan Ho Park.
5:00 PM- Finalizes negotations with Boras- signs Park to a 6 year 60 million dollar contract.
5:15 PM- Tells Pirates PR guy Jim Tridinch to include the fact that Chan Ho provides the Pirates with a number one starter in the press release.
5:20 PM- Sick of working, he tells his secretary to remind him to call the agents for Barry Zito, Rick White and Adam Hyzdu.
6:00 PM- Listens to voice mail from McClatchy. McClatchy wants Littlefield to sign Mike Piazza and Billy Bean. Thinks it's a good idea.
2:30 AM- Answers a call from DUI Mackowiak. Mackowiak wonders if Littlefield can pick him up outside of Bossa Nova.

5 Comments:

Blogger Dennis said...

Wow, that was awesome.

Well done

10:27 AM  
Blogger GBrisendine said...

dude its Berkeley Springs ... if your going to hammer the state at least get it right.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

I always wondered what a day in the life of Dave Littlefield would be like. Now I know.

11:01 AM  
Blogger pr9000 (paul) said...

and it's the "wheeling news-register," my man. i worked there.

wait. why did i admit to that?

anyway. it's funny nonetheless ... "8:00 AM- Calls Rusty Kuntz just so he can say Rusty Kuntz."

that's comedy.

11:17 AM  
Blogger April said...

bravo

4:29 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home